Forgive & Free Your Heart

According to Matthew 6:14-15, ("For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others, then your father will not forgive your transgressions.") as Christians we are commanded to forgive.

Do you understand what it means to forgive?

Here are 6 steps you can use when working through the process of forgiveness:

1) Understand the Process
Commit to it.  We often think forgiveness means forgiving someone as soon as they hurt you.  In reality, it's a process of understanding and figuring out what has happened and how it will affect you before you can forgive.

2) Reflect on the Situation
Reflect on the situation and all the facts.  Recognize how you were affected and calculate the cost in order to forgive so you know what you are forgiving.

3) Understand what the offender did and why it was done
You need to see things from their perspective...put yourself in their shoes so to speak.  A lot of times people who are hurting end up hurting other people....it's not an excuse to hurt you but it may help you to understand the problems or hurt that may have caused that person to do what was done.
Also consider that sometimes it may have even been done unintentionally without any thought to hurt you at all.

4) Let go of Revenge
You may feel like you have a right to revenge..."An eye for an eye" or "Do unto others" but according to Romans 12:19 ("Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, 'vengeance is mine, I will repay,' says the Lord"). in order to be like Christ, we must turn the person over to God.  All this means is you need to let of of bitterness and resentment from your heart and not take pleasure in that person's pain or failings.  That doesn't mean you don't have to allow them to take the  appropriate consequences like face legal, relationship or financial consequences.

5) Treat that person with respect
Romans 12:20 Jesus asks us to love our enemy.  You can still set boundaries to protect yourself but take that step of faith to treat the person well.  When you treat that person respectfully it actually helps you forgive them and maintain that forgiveness which will allow God to work in that person's life through you.

*Matthew 12:34-35
"For Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks...the good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him."

This brings a quote to mind that a coworker once shared with me that stuck with me...
Watch your thought for they become words
Watch your words for they become actions
Watch your actions for they become habits

6) Decide to not be defined by the offense
Have you ever been through something though and later thanked God because it made you a better person or stronger?  Well this is your shot to do just that.  This is where you take this offence and own it.  Make it part of your life...one of the things God has brought you through.
*As the old saying goes...God wouldn't bring you to it if he couldn't or wouldn't bring you through it
Let this be an experience to shape and mold you through your walk with God but don't let it be your identity.  You are not defined as the unloved child or the abandoned friend or the hurt boyfriend/girlfriend.  You refine your self-image and perspective with acceptance, faith and forgiveness through the life experiences God has given you.

References:
The Godly Woman

Kill'em with Kindness

You may not consider yourself to have enemies but we are not talking about enemies that are going after you with a weapon to physically harm you.  We are talking about modern enemies.  We've all heard of the term "frienemies"...well that can very well be today's enemy. 

Why should you conquer your enemies?
It's a fact of life to have enemies or adversaries.  *Jesus had enemies*  We can not be unlike him if we are to follow him.  Obviously we don't want enemies and too many enemies is not good for us.

We can turn these enemies to friends.  By turning to friends, we have "conquered" them.

Some will always remain enemies.  You can't conquer everyone.  You can't turn everyone into a friend.  Satan and his demons will always remain enemies, although Jesus has conquered them by going to the cross for us.  This is the same with these who openly do Satins will.  But we can still be kind.  Just know that you can't conquer them all.

So how do you conquer through kindness?

WHO: 

• A nosey friend that gossips
• An annoying neighbor that trashes your yard
• A family member that always starts little arguments

*These are all examples of those you can win over with kindness.

HOW:

• Think well of them - there is always something, like commitment to school, clean appearance or their sincerity.  Whatever it is, think well of them, find something good that they have and think of it.
• Speak well of the to others - *backbiting destroys friendships.  Speaking well of them in front of others will change their attitude towards them and they'll also be kind to you.
• Do good to them - sooner or later they'll do the same.  ex: buy them a cold drink at recess, let them skip in line, offer to carry something for them when their hands or full, text a friend you haven't been on such good terms with or FB message them, etc. 
• Pray for them - this is perhaps the easiest and most discrete of them all and the most important.  When we pray for our enemy (or each other in general) you will draw them nearer to the spirit who unites us all.  Eventually this spirit will make us one in our thinking and working.  You can see more about this in Matthew 5:44-45

By thinking well of them, speaking well about them, doing well to them and praying for them, you can conquer your enemies...though kindness. 

References:
Godly Woman Daily

Dealing with Difficult People

Jesus dealt with many difficult people.  There are 3 things you can put into practice to help you to keep your witness when you encounter a difficult person in your life.

1)  Know the person.  (I call this one "Consider your audience")
Jesus always knew who he was dealing with.  he was able to figure out the thoughts and intents of those trying to trick him, undermine him and kill him.  John 2:24 says Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all men"  When you are dealing with a difficult person, you can recognize the ways the person typically acts and expect more of the same from them.  For example, an angry person will get angry, a sensitive person will probably take your words the wrong way (so choose them wisely), a lazy person won't want to work, and abusive person will abuse, a cheater will cheat.  Expect these things so you aren't surprised and thrown off track.

2) Detach from Hooks.  (I refer to this one as "Hook, Line & Sinker")
You've heard the term falling for something hook, line and sinker?  Well that's sort of what this is.  Difficult people will try to get you to bite on their "hooks" so they can reel you in.  They want to hook you into giving into their demands and taking over their responsibilities.  They use anger, blame, guilt, threats and moods to manipulate you.  You need to recognize these hoods and choose not to be pulled  into the game.  You do this by separating yourself emotionally and mentally (and even physically sometimes) from the person's actions.  Jesus reminded us to be on guard against the schemes of men in Matthew 10:17.

3)  Choose your response (Think before you speak)
Instead of reacting, you choose your response.  Jesus was manipulated, despised, taunted, tricked and abused, but he was always thoughtfully in control of his reactions.  he had boundaries and protected himself, until it was the appointed time for him to die and even then he let himself be crucified.  Regardless of what is done to you, you are responsible for choosing your reaction.  It is your responsibility to set boundaries, say no, act respectfully, speak the truth, confront sin, refuse to enable and love your enemies.  Matthew 5:38-42

References:
Godly Woman Daily