Forgive & Free Your Heart

According to Matthew 6:14-15, ("For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others, then your father will not forgive your transgressions.") as Christians we are commanded to forgive.

Do you understand what it means to forgive?

Here are 6 steps you can use when working through the process of forgiveness:

1) Understand the Process
Commit to it.  We often think forgiveness means forgiving someone as soon as they hurt you.  In reality, it's a process of understanding and figuring out what has happened and how it will affect you before you can forgive.

2) Reflect on the Situation
Reflect on the situation and all the facts.  Recognize how you were affected and calculate the cost in order to forgive so you know what you are forgiving.

3) Understand what the offender did and why it was done
You need to see things from their perspective...put yourself in their shoes so to speak.  A lot of times people who are hurting end up hurting other people....it's not an excuse to hurt you but it may help you to understand the problems or hurt that may have caused that person to do what was done.
Also consider that sometimes it may have even been done unintentionally without any thought to hurt you at all.

4) Let go of Revenge
You may feel like you have a right to revenge..."An eye for an eye" or "Do unto others" but according to Romans 12:19 ("Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, 'vengeance is mine, I will repay,' says the Lord"). in order to be like Christ, we must turn the person over to God.  All this means is you need to let of of bitterness and resentment from your heart and not take pleasure in that person's pain or failings.  That doesn't mean you don't have to allow them to take the  appropriate consequences like face legal, relationship or financial consequences.

5) Treat that person with respect
Romans 12:20 Jesus asks us to love our enemy.  You can still set boundaries to protect yourself but take that step of faith to treat the person well.  When you treat that person respectfully it actually helps you forgive them and maintain that forgiveness which will allow God to work in that person's life through you.

*Matthew 12:34-35
"For Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks...the good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him."

This brings a quote to mind that a coworker once shared with me that stuck with me...
Watch your thought for they become words
Watch your words for they become actions
Watch your actions for they become habits

6) Decide to not be defined by the offense
Have you ever been through something though and later thanked God because it made you a better person or stronger?  Well this is your shot to do just that.  This is where you take this offence and own it.  Make it part of your life...one of the things God has brought you through.
*As the old saying goes...God wouldn't bring you to it if he couldn't or wouldn't bring you through it
Let this be an experience to shape and mold you through your walk with God but don't let it be your identity.  You are not defined as the unloved child or the abandoned friend or the hurt boyfriend/girlfriend.  You refine your self-image and perspective with acceptance, faith and forgiveness through the life experiences God has given you.

References:
The Godly Woman